Having always been a somewhat reserved relationship person, I was considerably irked by the idea of putting myself out there in such a public fashion. I'm old fashioned and would rather meet someone the conventional way. That was until I realised that no such thing exists.
I have identified a flaw in the online dating arena. Well for me anyway. Allow me to explain....
Last week I went on my first "date" with someone I'd made contact with online. All was going fine until I laid eyes on him and he wasn't in fact 6'0 as stated on his "profile", he was 5'10 at best. The reason I know this is that I'm 5'8 and have a complex about dating men shorter than me, which makes me acutely aware of their height and their proportionate height to mine when I have heels on (a problem that was bred from an early growth spurt in primary school that left me taller than all of the boys, upon reaching high school I felt more normal but the memory has unfortunately scarred me for life). So a bit of a deal breaker for me is if I end up taller than them in heels. Shallow yes, but deal with it and let's move on.
So that was a bit of a downer up front. The second issue I had was the type of conversation that ensued. It's safe to say that this type of conversation is not regular for a "first date" scenario. Talking up front about what you want from a relationship is a little premature when you are only learning someone's last name don't you think?
I found myself talking about things and having him answer with "me too". He will now be known as "me too man". Presumption was a huge issue for me. He wreaked of it. It was like because I was on a dating site that I was desperate to settle down which is a serious assumption and definitely a wrong one to make on many levels in my opinion. I don't choose to settle down and then go out and find someone. My brain functions in the sense that I will find someone that I believe is worthy of my attention and love and if it heads in the right direction I may indeed decide to settle down with them. Some guys on this site are clearly going down the settle down, then find someone route.
After a couple of casual drinks, the next worrying portion of my evening was spent in a pretty classy restaurant. Now I'm not a fancy person, I like nice things (often the expensive variety yes) but when it comes to dining I'm not that well versed in the fine experience. Not saying I haven't been to nice restaurants because I have, but generally I spend time eating in more casual establishments unless it's a special occasion.
So here I found myself in a very nice restaurant with "me too man" wearing a maxi dress and thongs. Hardly feeling at home now am I? He proceeded to tell me to have whatever I wanted which is nice I guess but only added to my uneasiness.
The whole time I couldn't figure out if I was even attracted to him or not and clearly he thought everything was going swimmingly. He was one of those "great on paper" type guys, very stable career, multiple properties under his belt and driving an above average car. None of which impressed me greatly, especially when he praised the fact that I don't have any of the above (except the stable job part) because that would make him feel uncomfortable because he wants to be "the provider" in a relationship.
Um, excuse me?! "The provider"?!?! Geezus, we just met!! How about you tell me what high school you went to and what your favourite movie is before you start explaining your somewhat warped sense of traditional values that leads you to answer my immediate question of "you would hate it if I earned more money than you wouldn't you?" with a resounding and wholehearted "YES". We're living in the 21st century aren't we? Yes? Ok, just checking.
After spending roughly 4 hours with this guy, he offered to walk me to my car and the whole time all I could think was "if I put heels on, I would totally be taller than you". Not quite right was it? I was however, not prepared to write him off and was considering a second date to give him a chance. That was until about 3pm the next day when a MASSIVE bunch of flowers landed on my desk with a card from him saying "Dinner, Yes, No, Maybe, Love (insert name here)"
Now once I got over the fact that the flowers belonged to me, the entire office appeared to congregate around my desk asking questions. As many of them knew I am online and knew of my date from the weekend, I was greeted by differing opinions. Stalker, cute, a little odd and definitely full on come to mind as some of them.
At this point I had a flashback to the night before when I found myself talking about how it's important to be thoughtful in a relationship and how I had never had a boyfriend send flowers (or anything in fact) to me at work or otherwise.
That wasn't an open invitation. It was a little piece of information he could have pocketed and then pulled out a few months down the track if we were still seeing each other. Him? No. Let's do it the very next day shall we? Freaked out much? Yeah kinda.
After heading to a trusting ear straight from work to debrief over the whole situation, I found myself asking whether I was even attracted to him. No doubt about it the flowers warranted a phone call, and I was dreading it. Hardly a good sign.
When I did finally call on the way home, I explained that the flowers had felt a little scary and why so. His reaction to this was less than desirable when he proceeded to tell me that he thought it would be funny to send them to me at work and "embarrass me". I wasn't laughing. I'm still not.
Suffice to say "me too man" hasn't scored a second date despite him thinking we "hit it off". My hopes for online dating and my theory about how men decide to settle down and then find someone remotely interested in doing so were confirmed the night after when another guy chatting to me online explained that he wanted kids in 3 to 4 years....
I'm sorry, and your last name is????
xo
