My life has taken a huge turn in the last couple of months. Since my divorce went to court, I started a new job and a new career in the hope that it would make a real difference to how I live my life and essentially how I feel about my future. I'm happy to say that as far as that part of the plan, it worked!
I found an amazing company to work for, I work with great people, work on great accounts and my work weeks have now started to absolutely FLY by. I have more time to catch up with friends and as a result my social calendar has at least doubled in size. It's a great thing (apart from my concern that I may indeed age very quickly!), I really feel l like I'm in a great position and look forward to the future.
Part of my plan was to get fit, and look great in the hope that it will only further enhance my feelings of happiness. I joined a gym a couple of months ago and have managed to get there much more often than any other gym membership I've had so that was a pleasant surprise. Along with this a friend of mine asked me to join an indoor netball team. Great! I thought, I've been wanting to get back into playing a team sport for aaaaaages.
It was something I would have liked to have done while living overseas however not being from where I lived and with very little help from Rich (much as I asked for it) I struggled to know where to go. This team fell nicely into my lap so it was an easy decision to say yes. I haven't played netball in 16 years, pretty much since I got to high school and discovered basketball where you could run with the ball and rip it out of your opponent's hands which seemed way more fun.
Anyway so it had been 16 years since my last game and I wondered before we started if I would remember the rules. I'm pleased to say that I did. Another thing that happened though was a little more disappointing. I'm an avid watcher of sports, with my ex I was known to get up in the middle of the night to watch a boxing match, and I have always really enjoyed watching any previous partners play team or solo sports.
Given my performance history, who would think I was a show pony?! As everyone started to arrive last night it occurred to me that at my last game of a team sport it was probably my Mum watching, and as boyfriends accompanied their girlfriends on my team I felt really really sad. Coming to watch me play netball would have been something that Rich would have genuinely loved. The thought made me really really miss him. And the life we would have had here together.
For the first time in awhile. I've gotten pretty good now at blocking out my previous plans with him and focusing on my new solo endeavours but like I said earlier, sometimes a really sharp lonely feeling will hit you so hard it's enough to make you feel off balance. I certainly don't begrudge my friends their loving boyfriends but I guess seeing them come along to support them only reminds me of how I'm on my own again and how there's no one there for me, just because they love me.
The feeling doesn't last forever but it's enough to knock the wind out of you, or was that me gasping for breath showing my supreme unfitness at my first game of sport in a good long decade?
Here's hoping sometime soon me, and my team, start winning.
xo
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