I agreed to do this however upon deciding this I thought it was only fair to throw in those other fashion sins I believe the general public should also not be subjected to, and the list continues to grow....
The rules of "tights aren't pants" according to me go as follows:
1. The term "tights" extends to any pair of full or partial length (remember bike pants my early 90's friends?!) item of clothing that covers the legs and involves lycra as a substantial portion of the fabric DNA whether in cotton or standard form - no exceptions.
2. Tights are only acceptable if worn with another item of clothing that at least covers your whole bottom. Whether it be a short dress, top, shirt or cardigan - DON'T think you can go half hearted on this, no-one wants to see your ass wobble when you walk.
3. Just because stores desperate to make a buck slap on a button and false pockets along with some painted seams, this DOES NOT mean that they count as "skinny jeans." This also goes for any other disastrous concoctions of tights with "embellishments" that stores come up with in an attempt to make people believe that the tights they are peddling us to buy are in fact pants. Don't be fooled.
4. Even if you are wearing a long cardigan, to wear a tight top along with the tights therefore making you look like you're wearing a unitard from the front is also not acceptable even if your ass is covered at the back!
5. Even if you're a model, you are not exempt from any of these rules.
6. If you're getting dressed and you find yourself asking the question "am I breaking the 'tights aren't pants' rule?" then chances are you need to reassess your outfit of choice and modify it for the greater good of humanity.
7. Tights as pants have one exception and one only. Either on the way directly to or from the gym, a dance class or another physical activity is fine. If you stop to run an errand on the way, tie a shirt or jumper round your waist.
Again, this is something that people may agree with me on (the smart people) and some may not. Is it bold to suggest that those who don't are the worst culprits? Probably.
There is something else I feel the need to mention as I was faced with it earlier today at a conference I was attending for work. Now I don't have children and clearly as a result of that have never been pregnant. I can imagine as a pregnant woman, stretchy pants would definitely become an essential part of said pregnant woman's wardrobe.
HOWEVER I really don't feel that pregnancy is a "get out of jail free card" for not looking in the mirror before leaving the house. If you choose to wear stretchy pants (eg: tights) as part of your comfortable fashion attire then the above rules apply. The general public should never ever be faced with what I was today.... Camel Toe. In all it's glory. So obvious that it would seriously have been hard to miss for this somewhat 6 months pregnant woman if she hadn't broken Rule # 6 above.
Another disturbing sight I was exposed to was last Wednesday evening when venturing out to watch SATC2 (woefully disappointing while I'm mentioning it) was 2 girls that appeared to attend the movie...... In their pyjamas. Not the Peter Alexander cute styley kind either.
Now, I understand it was hardly a red carpet experience what with it being at a local mall and with people sitting on the carpet in the starting line for the race for a seat that won't put a disc out by the end of the movie, and chowing down on Micky D's (them not me) while waiting for the doors to open. BUT I do feel that it was at least an occasion when perhaps jeans and trainers would have been the bare minimum for outfit selection? I don't expect Manolos but spare us the mismatched daggies you reserve for your ghastly hangover on a Sunday morning please.
I'm not saying I've never ventured out in my PJ's, while living in a small town in the UK where I didn't know anyone, I do remember an occasion where I made a quick trip to the convenience store for a late night fix of Ben & Jerry's and being awarded a compliment from the guy at the counter that went along the lines of "cute slippers!" when he spotted my Winnie the Poohs trotting around the store. Everything preceding that last comment should explain why this is an acceptable situation.
Lastly, this is one of my favourite "love to hates" - Ugg boots. Firstly so I am not mistaken, I am a fan. I've worn Uggs (not the brand "Ugg" only an idiot would spend that much on something that was made in the US when you can get genuine sheepskin for half the price that was made right here in Oz) in Winter for as long as I can remember. But like all of the above, there is a time and place.
Knee highs with skinny jeans does not equal a fashion statement. EVER. Neither does ankle uggs and a denim mini. EVER. Granted it doesn't happen as often here as it does in the UK at the moment. I was alarmed over there at the frequency of the aforementioned two outfit choices and how powerless I was to shield my eyes because they were everywhere!!
As I said, some of you may agree, many of you may not but I leave you with this: If I know you and you do any of the above and I see you, I shall not be biting my tongue for your benefit, after reading this you really should know better....
xo
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