I was having a chat to a friend earlier this evening and we were discussing the demise of a mutual friend's relationship and the fact that when he decided to call it off he fed her some bull about them being "on a break."
This begs the question, do people ever come back from one? I racked my brains and tried to come up with a memory of when I had heard about a couple having a "break" and then getting back together and living happily ever after. Granted, sometimes couples will completely break up only to reunite years later and go on to create a mutually beneficial life together. It doesn't usually happen when someone decides they want out and they try to spoon feed their soon-to-be-ex with some story about how they just "need a break."
If someone feels the need to have a break from their relationship then chances are they aren't going to be able to fix it while the other hopes desperately everyday that they will reunite. While they try to sort through their thoughts and time ticks away with the question "have you had enough time yet?" continually ringing in their ears.
Chances are there is something fundamentally wrong that is unlikely to be fixed by a few boys/girls nights out without the other half and just being on a "break" instead of actually being invested in the relationship.
This friend I was chatting to earlier recently had this happen to her, after 6 years of commitment and planned future together he turned around and said he needed a "break."
She called me and immediately asked "seriously, what IS that? Surely a break is just a soft way of saying a break-up?!"
I replied that while I hated to admit it, I believed she was right. Nevertheless the following 6+ months that followed involved her very painfully being patient while he tried to work out what was going on in his mind all the while hoping and praying that he'll snap out of it. He didn't.
She then broke up with him. I'm sure if you're reading this then there are many of you who are thinking that it sounds familiar. Many people have their own version of the same story. I do, and I also hung around hoping that things would get better. After doing the same as my friend above I realised I was worth far more than just waiting for Mr X to decide whether or not he did in fact want to be with me. I learned from that.
Love is a risk, you put your heart out there knowing there is a possibility that others won't look after it as well as you would but it's worth it to feel what it is to love and be loved if you're lucky enough to find it.
As the age old saying says, "it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
I don't presume to know everything about relationships as no-one does. I've been in a few, some good, some great and some really just not healthy. The most important thing I've learned is my self worth. I don't put up with being treated in a way less than I deserve as I give a lot in my relationships and expect the same in return. Even my ex-husband would say that I was "one of the most loving and giving people he'd ever met" but even he admitted that he didn't appear able to give me what I deserve.
It was with his realisation, that he confirmed what I already knew deep down, that it wasn't going to work.
Not all break-ups are so obvious, some of them come out of left field like my earlier mentioned friend. In this case, all I urge people to see is their own worth and to respect themselves enough to not settle for anything less....
xo
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